By: JaTon Kılınç

The lioness isn’t trying to take down the lion. She allows him to be king of the desert, yet she stays by his side as his companion. I believe there’s an order to nature that shouldn’t be disturbed — because once it is, chaos, disorder, and confusion follow.

Mes amies, let me explain.

I once proudly considered myself a feminist. I loved the idea of the independent woman. Like many girls growing up in the United States in the ’90s, I strived to be her. I bellowed my liberal views and defended them like the female warrior I believed I was.

I read books and watched films about strong heroines — but I also loved the damsel in distress. Not because she was weak, but because there was something soft and kind about her that you rarely find in the Xenas and Amazonian warriors. Those women, powerful as they were, often seemed angry, lonely, or hard to relate to — and rarely found love in their stories.

But what I’ve learned is this: it’s exhausting trying to carry a masculine persona. It’s a fight that can never truly be won.

I can’t speak for the entire Western world, but America is filled with modern feminists who want to be treated like women while simultaneously taking on the role of men — when it’s convenient.

Now, before anyone sharpens their keyboard, hear me out. I’m not saying women shouldn’t have equal rights. I absolutely believe everyone deserves equal pay for equal work, equal voting rights, and full control over their own finances and property. I don’t believe men should control, demean, or abuse women in any form. No one should be treated as a second-class citizen.

Men and women bring equal value to the table — just in different ways.

I’m not talking about petty household matters like who washes the dishes or pays the bills; that’s between two people. What I’m referring to is the cultural pressure on American women to embody masculinity — a sort of collective identity crisis.

Secretly, most women love when their partners can fully provide, even if they themselves are contributing. Women appreciate having the opportunity to take time off after having a baby, rather than rushing back to work, and deep down, most men enjoy providing when they can. People simply want to feel appreciated.

But appreciation is hard when there’s a constant battle for power.

Men admire women who know their worth and speak their minds — but who do so with grace, not aggression. I don’t believe the early feminists, who fought for basic rights, ever envisioned things going this far — women demanding to be on the front lines of battlefields, shouting over men instead of speaking beside them.

They wanted fairness. They wanted options.

I think the endless tug-of-war between masculine and feminine energy has thrown things off balance. In some Western households, men now sit back while women become breadwinners and caretakers — where’s the balance in that?

And don’t get me started on the “Who pays for dinner?” debate or the constant tit-for-tat about household chores. These are just surface-level symptoms of a deeper issue: the erosion of feminine energy.

Some women demand chivalry — doors opened, chairs pulled out — while simultaneously rejecting the idea of needing a man at all. Mes amies, it’s silly.

Of course, there are exceptions. Some women wear masculinity effortlessly and unapologetically — and for them, I say: do what makes you happy. But even then, it’s a mental and physical battle, because we can never out-muscle our counterparts. And isn’t masculinity, at its core, rooted in strength and competition?

Unchecked masculinity breeds conflict — that’s why there must be balance. Most wars were fought by men: for land, resources, and power. Women, meanwhile, weren’t ripping off their corsets to join the fight; they were tending gardens, caring for children, baking bread, or praying for their husbands to return safely.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying women should be doormats or bow to every whim of their partners. Far from it.

But I’ve heard something said often in Western circles — that “men are intimidated by strong, educated women.” Honestly? I find that idea exhausting. Either the man is incredibly insecure, or the woman is projecting so much masculine energy that he doesn’t know how to respond.

Many of these “strong, independent women who don’t need a man” are, deep down, unfulfilled. They may dominate the boardroom, but they struggle to find peace at home. When the natural balance between the feminine and the masculine is disrupted, everyone suffers.

And if we’re being honest, the American woman — particularly the African American woman — has paid a heavy price. Many grew up in households where women had to play both mother and father. They’ve been unfairly labeled as overly masculine, and media often reinforces that stereotype.

Meanwhile, I’ve noticed that successful men across cultures tend to be drawn to deeply feminine women — not submissive, but soft, radiant, and self-assured.

In Turkey, for example, I’ve observed a beautiful coexistence between husband and wife. I’ve spent time in both modern and traditional Turkish homes and rarely saw the power struggles I see in America. The wives are softly submissive but still powerful, still vocal. Most either stay home while their husbands provide or work jobs that allow them to bring their children along. It’s harmonious — not hierarchical.

I’ll admit, money brings power, and I do believe every woman should be financially literate. But what I didn’t see were the mentally and physically burned-out women that have become so common in the West.

Nor did I see men fighting over who holds the spatula in the kitchen. (Now, don’t get me wrong — I love a man who can cook, but please put the pot back where it belongs and let me have fun decorating. Okay, maybe I’m only partly kidding… about the pot.)

But mes amies, what I’m truly saying is this:

I believe modern women can be both strong and soft.
We can have our own minds, make our points eloquently, and still radiate femininity. Whether we choose to raise babies, run a company, or create art, we can do all those things while keeping our feminine aura intact.

I believe our little girls can be taught to be both princesses and bosses.
I believe men and women can find balance again, and I believe we can respect and admire each other simultaneously — because the truth is, we are not the same, but we are equal.

For these reasons, I’ve retired my feminist cape and traded it for an Audrey Hepburn scarf.

Besides, I’d much rather be home writing and drinking wine than screaming in the streets anyway. 😊

Until next time my friends,
Stay young, stay curious & stay true
Je suis JaTon